lay me

poem 1-5-26

i’ve got metal in the blood

poison lining every vein

lay me

and I can feel it — lungs withering

as they carry heavy breaths

and the following exhales,

undergirded by a wheeeeeeee-eeeze \/\/

there are holes forming in pleural sacs even now

and i drank bile down my throat,

the whole bottle down,

and it’s churning deep inside, and that’s bad, mark says

but we don’t care what he’s saying anymore

because he’s only meat to me

just an engorged cock

but it’s probably not engorged now, because he’s angry, he’s yelling at me

or maybe he likes me better when he’s angry,

some guys are like that,

but he’s “mad at” me

for what I do to myself even

might I add, even

even

after I tell him that it doesn’t matter anyway.

because nothing matters anyway

nothing’s ever mattered,

there is no meaning,

not for us anyhow,

maybe there was, once, but its carcass litters our world,

people come up remembering its stench and die without passing on the knowledge,

its bones are the bedrock of what’s left of civilization~

and we don’t know how to stand if the marrow keeps hollowing,

or how we’ll cope when we “run out”,

so why should I know any better.

my lungs hurt? because I can’t

because I can’t stop

because ??????not even will?, not an?y god????

?not??anything insid?e me could st??op???, I know from your example.

so what does it matter to me.

what does it matter to you?

lay me down and cut me open